How To Take Over the World in 5 Easy Steps

So you've come to learn how to take over the world, have you? Well, you're in the right place. Kefka here will lead you to your promised glory! Just follow these five easy steps. I had to make three easy payments of $29.99 to get these, so listen closely!

Step One: Become a General

Step one is perhaps the most important: you need to set yourself up in a high position in your government. This will allow you to get all of the things you'll need later on for your takeover. Kefka's method is a good way to be involved in military operations, a skill you'll need to master. Once you've reached the highest level of command you can...

Step Two: Get a Magitek Infusion

...it's time to augment yourself with magitek or the closest equivalent. (If you're looking to take over the world of baseball, I hear steroids help.) What you're looking for here is some sort of skill that sets you apart from the crowd and lets the world know you mean business with your special skills.

Warning: Loss of sanity may occur from magitek infusion. No refunds will be given.

Step Three: Kill your biggest rival

Now that you're a high-level official with a special skill, it's time to get rid of your biggest rival. This may be the next in the line of succession, a fellow official, or just some guy that's in your way and pissing you off. It is very important that you get rid of your rival before you try going for the guy in charge, because it's likely he'll give you problems later if you don't. Bonus points if you off him with the head honcho's blessing.

Step Four: Usurp your emperor

Your emperor is poised to take over the world and gain absolute power. So what do you do? Easy! Just stand in just the right place and give him a little push from a high place. A floating continent is a great idea for this. With him out the way, it should be easy to gain that absolute power you've been aiming for.

Step Five: Get your own cult

What, you thought that was all? Not remotely! Sure, you now have absolute power and can blast small villages into utter oblivion, but what good does that do you if the entire world is afraid of you? What you need are cultists who worship you and your every move. It proves you've gotten through to the world and finally have the respect you've always deserved.

Just watch out for a group of heroes who sound like lines from a self-help book.

oh noes. top . clear . valid html . valid css